Arwen has written on medical dramas all week, so I will keep up with the theme. Medical fashion is about scrubs, lab coats, tidy hair, and those little paper booties you wear over orthopedic shoes. Not very exciting. Since everyone knows you don't wear charm bracelets into surgery, I am going to talk about some office etiquette (like, don't eat Junior Mints in surgery.) Specifically, I am going to talk about office romance and sexual harassment. Plenty of that going on in medical dramas!
I don't know about you, but watching televised medicine only makes me afraid to go to the hospital. I'm worried that my doctor is distracted by having just found her lover, the Chief of Staff, in the janitor's closet with the Head Nurse, who is also sleeping with a Resident Intern, who is having an affair with the hospital Dietician, who is distraught over the relationship and is now poisoning the hospital Jell-O supply. See, the first hurdle of an office romance is that you almost instantly lose credibilty. Oh, it can be done -- ask Arwen -- but healthy intra-office affairs are the exception, not the rule. (Arwen says: True story, I've been married to a guy I work with for 9 years. But it was only the last one that ended well. I had plenty of spectacular failures previous to that.)
Cameron: It's the irony of change, they don't like other women in charge. What, you think it's something else?
Chase: You sabotaged yourself. You went on a date with House, you slept with me. Putting you in charge of this department is like a sexual harassment suit waiting to happen.
Do not treat your office like it is Match.com. First of all, you are being paid to perform a function, and I'm betting it has nothing to do with dating. In an age where careers can last much longer than relationships, be very aware of self-sabotaging by looking for love in the breakroom. Remember that your reputation is at stake. Have the foresight to consider how a work relationship is going to affect your livelihood. If you and Jenny start dating, and then she moves on, will you still be able to perform? If Hank starts telling the guys how OCD you are about folding your panties, are you going to recover professionally? Best case scenario, you meet the love of your life, and live happily ever after. Worst, you're stuck working with a guy who cheated on you, and you have to look at his bloated carb-face all day, every day, until you finally quit the job you loved because you can't stand watching him making out with Kelly from Hospitality in front of your desk. What? I'm not bitter.
Sloane: The most refined, professional, lady-like doctor in this hospital came to my defense tonight. Best she could come up with was "he's a whore."
If you must date within the bubble of the office, try to follow these rules:
Know your company's policies on dating co-workers and clients. Grab that employee handbook and flip straight to that section. It will save you a lot of heartache later on.
Once you're familiar with those, use good judgment and common sense. Don't ask your boss out, and do not ever proposition the kid who works for you.
Keep your love life lateral and outside your chain of command.
Ixnay on the PDA. If you make a love connection, leave the loving for after hours. Out of sight, on your own time.
Keep it quiet. People love to talk, and Suzy in Accounting doesn't need to know that Greg's family didn't believe in circumcision. Unless you want your boss to find out you spent Saturday hogtied to Betsy's headboard, don't tell anyone in the office. Spare the gory details.
Never, ever, ever, under any conditions should you date a married coworker. Especially not if your co-worker is married to an angry, ex-SWAT cop. Please. For the love of god, save your co-workers that stress.
Be ethical and above board, whatever you do, and if you need to break up, keep that out of the office, too.
Weaver: [a female patient has complained about Pratt's breast exam] Did you TUBE her?
Pratt: What? Where did you hear that?
Weaver: Totally Unnecessary Breast Exam. You made up the term.
Pratt: First, that term has been around since I was a 3rd year med student. Second, a 35-year-old woman complaining of pain between the third and fourth rib, no evidence of muscle strain and who's never had a mammogram. What would you have done?
Weaver: She said you didn't find anything. She also said you seemed to be enjoying it.
Pratt: And if I had found a lesion, I would be a hero for saving her life. Besides, I did find a small cyst. Come on, Kerry; haven't you ever been turned on while giving a breast exam?
Harassment is another animal. The most important thing to remember as far as harassment goes is that it is in the eye of the beholder. Your intentions don't matter, it is how your attentions are received. Best to keep all of your conversation and activity above board, and your hands on top of the table.
According to the EEOC, harassment occurs "when submission to or rejection of this conduct explicitly or implicitly affects an individual's employment, unreasonably interferes with an individual's work performance or creates an intimidating, hostile or offensive work environment." See, Gregory House. My husband loves that show and it drives me up a wall. I think it sends a horrible message that if a man (or woman) is brilliant and good at the nitty gritty of his (or her) job, then his (or her) behavior must be tolerated for the sake of the work. Whether or not you are "the best" at your work, you are still required to behave like a professional.
Gregory House, who is apparently becoming our favorite bad example, is a ceaseless buffet of things you should never say at work:
Slutty party girl is fun until she pukes on her shoes -- then she's just a pain in the ass.
Another life saved by girl-on-girl action.
You know me. Hostility makes me shrink up like a....I cant think of a non-sexual metaphor.
Awesome. A sex fiend with a swollen tongue. Just think of all the places I can make Foreman search.
You are one evil cunning woman. It's a massive turn-on.
Basically, it's like this: If you wouldn't say it to your mother, don't say it to a coworker.
Lane Buckman has been in love with fashion since she realized that her first Easter dress came with matching gloves, shoes, and purse. Growing up in the entertainment industry this former beauty queen, model and actress turned corporate career woman understands that dressing for success is just another form of costuming. And, since she has run the size gamut from 2 to 18, Lane understands dressing a variety of shapes. She has written dress codes and conducted Business Style and How to Dress seminars for Fortune 500 and finance companies, boutique agencies, and an international non-profit organization. She gives her stylish Southern mother credit for teaching her everything she knows.
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