Passenger: Who put you in charge? And who the hell are you anyway?
Doctor: I'm the Doctor. I'm a Time Lord. I'm from the planet Gallifrey, the constellation of Kasterborous. I'm nine hundred and three years old and I'm the man whose gonna save your lives and all six billion people on the planet below. .. You got a problem with that?
Passenger: No.
Doctor: In that case.. Allons'y!
Yesterday I talked about what to do with Angerballs. Today I will talk about Eeyores.
Eeyores are also referred to as energy vampires in some management parlance. These are the depressive types, and there is at least one in every office -- at least, every office I've ever worked in. Things are always terrible for them. Even the best of days could be better.
Unlike angerballs, these are long-haul management challenges. Every day brings a new complaint, every day brings another opportunity for doldrums.
Unfortunately, you can't force people to change personality. If you've hired an Eeyore, you're stuck with an Eeyore, unless they're also incompetent and commit some fire-able offense.
In some ways, society can be your ally on this one. If the rest of your staff is generally happy and satisfied with their lot, they aren't likely to tolerate Debbie Downer for very long and will move naturally to insulate themselves.
This is not a given, however, and you need to do what you can to make sure the outlier remains just that. Keep the group on your side, then deal with the indivdual.
How? As with so many things, you lead by example. Joie de vivre. Exuberance. You have to marginalize the attitude without marginalizing the individual, and the first and best way to do this is to simply go to the other extreme. Don't just be cheerful, be effusive. Don't just be engaged, be enthusiastic. Humans are social animals, and they feed off the vibes of others. As the boss, you have the upper hand in this battle and you can drown out the negativity.
A good boss has a positive frame of mind. You develop positive qualities and confidence in subordinates and motivate them to put in their best efforts. You praise in public; you save criticism for one-on-one talks.
But what if you aren't naturally effusive and enthusiastic? What if you are the quiet but steady type?
You can fake it. Or you can learn to project. Or you can figure out your comfort level and find a way to be quiet and steady while projecting an air of enthusiasm. Walk with purpose. Run sometimes. Smile more. Unfold your arms and open up your body language. Talk to people as you pass them at their desk, in the hall, at the coffee pot. Send enthusiastic memos and e-mail. But find a way to project good will and energy.
My favorite role model for this on days that I'd much rather bitchslap someone than listen to their problems is the new-series incarnation of Dr. Who, a long-running British series about an alien tourist who travels through time and space saving the day for various civilizations. He usually shares his adventures with a lovely female traveling companion whom he has plucked from a fairly mundane existence. The doctor also has powers of regeneration, which means that when one actor quits, another can replace him and allow the show to continue, though that didn't stop the show from going into hiatus for a number of years. It returned in 2005 with Christopher Eccleston (at left in the photo above) in the role of the Doctor. He stayed for 10 episodes, then the role was turned over to David Tennant, who held the position until quitting last year, with newcomer Matt Smith replacing him. Other staffing changes occurred as well, including a new executive producer. The new season begins later this month on BBC America, and I will be interested to see how the show changes.
But that isn't why we are here. OK, back on track.
The Doctor is a frenetic force of nature. He is twitchy, he is clever, he is always in mental or physical motion. He is irrepressibly good humored. And he has an inordinate fondness for the human race.
Doctor: So. When it comes right down to it, why did you come here? Why did you do that, why? I'll tell you why. (pauses) Because it was there. Brilliant! Excuse me uh... Zac wasn't it?
Zac: That's me.
Doctor: Just... stand there 'cause I'm gonna hug you. Is that alright?
Zac: I suppose so.
Doctor: Here we go. Comin' in. (hugs Zac) Human beings, you are AAAMAZING! HA! Thank you.
If you can ramp up your level of energy and enthusiasm, a crowd will follow your lead. If you can take risks and laugh at yourself, you will encourage others to do things they wouldn't otherwise try.
The thing is, time travel is like visiting Paris. You can't just read the guidebook, you've got to throw yourself in. Eat the food, use the wrong verbs, get charged double and end up kissing complete strangers ... Or is that just me?
You get excited about the big things.
Doctor: No, no, no way, Reinette Poisson? Later Madame D'Etoiles, later still mistress of Louis XV, uncrowned Queen of France? Actress, artist, musician, dancer, courtesan. Fantastic gardener!
French Servant: Who the hell are you?!
Doctor: I'm the Doctor, and I just snogged Madame de Pompadour!
And you get every bit as fired up about the small.
Have you ever had those little cakes, with the crunchy ball bearings on top... ever had those... those things? Nobody else in the entire galaxy has ever even bothered to make edible ball bearings! Genius!
So now you know how to keep the crowd on your side. What do you do with the root of the problem? In many ways, you do the same thing you do in every management situation; the same thing you do with angerballs, with good ideas, with brainstorming sessions. You listen, and you smile.
There’s a lot of things you need to get across this universe. Warp drive, wormhole refractors. You know the thing you need most of all? You need a hand to hold.
You need be there for this unhappy person for two reasons. One, you owe it to them as their manager. Two, you owe it to their colleagues. Remember, no matter how much exposure you think you're getting to this person, chances are their co-workers are getting it in spades by comparison. Give them a break.
Sycorax Leader: Blood control is just one form of conquest. I could summon the armada and take this world by force!
Doctor: Well... Yeah, you could do that. Of course you could! But why? Look at these people, these human beings. Consider their potential! From the day they arrive on the planet, blinking, step into the sun, there is more to see than can ever be seen, more to do than- no, hold on. Sorry, that's The Lion King. But the point still stands: Leave them alone!
So when you have this person in front of you and you are on the verge of falling into their pit of despair, try to remember why you hired them. Try to make them see what you see. Find something friendly and positive to latch on to. Everybody has something to recommend them, no matter how hard it is to find.
You're my favourite, you are! You know why? Cos you're so... thick! You're Mr Thick-Thick-Thickity-Thick Face from Thicktown, Thickania! And so's your dad!
It may be tough to be a full-on Tigger to your employee's Eeyore, but it will be worth it.
Before I go, I just want to tell you: you were fantastic. Absolutely fantastic. And do you know what? So was I!
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