Management Lessons: That's What She Said

Hey, Bartender!

Bartenders do not have an easy time of it. Liquor licenses, entertainment schedules, drunk patrons -- it's a lot to take on. If you can manage a bar, odds are you can manage just about anything.  Problem is, ever since Archie Bunker bought his own bar and grill there aren't very many good examples of stellar bar management out there.  What do you suppose that is about?

For a bad example, we can always look to The Simpsons.  Poor Moe is a pathetic case with the worst judgment on the planet. How many errors do you spot here?

Don't lose your cool. Don't leave your responsibilities unattended. Don't, don't. On the other hand, at least Moe stops short of assault, and he is master of his own domain -- unlike the poor slob working for Tony Soprano, who has an extreme way of rectifying bad hiring decisions.  

Valerie Malone (no relation to Sam, as far as I know), in contrast, had the good sense to treat her business on 90210 like a business -- even when she was using it to machiavellian ends, and even if she spent 99 percent of her time messing around in other people's business, to unhappy ends.

But honestly, the award for savviest saloonkeeper of all time has to go to my old favorite Al Swearengen. Deadwood's patriarch is a shrewd businessman, a master showman, he responds quickly to emergencies and he communicates effectively (if violently) with his staff when they drop the ball.

One must bear in mind that there are as many different managerial styles as there are managers -- and people to be managed. Bar management is a completely different animal from the white-collar college grad office environment. You can be a little looser, you can have a little more fun.  But you also have to be a lot more careful to keep things in line. Frankly, all I've learned from this week is that I'd be right awful at running such an establishment.  A toast to those who do.

Seven and Seven

Manners experts will tell you that polite people avoid conversations about religion and politics. (Of course, they also tell you to avoid conversations about work, but hey, time and place, right?) As a manager, I fully agree with this dictum in the workplace as well.  The only time religion should ever come up is if someone wants a day off for observance purposes. And politics? Well, unless you're in a legislature, leave it alone.

That said, some things that have their roots in religion and politics evolve to the vernacular. I'm not sure when the seven deadly sins became less religious and more pop culture, but I do know we can thank Kevin Spacey and Brad Pitt, among others.  And we can thank Charmed and Supernatural for their episode on the topic -- and, for that matter, Gilligan's Island (go figure.) I do know that their less juicy counterparts, the seven heavenly virtues, don't get nearly as much press, and don't tend to get personified on TV nearly as much.

It's not like anyone needs an explanation of why managers should avoid sinning and aim for virtue, but hey, let's look at some good and bad examples anyway, shall we?

Seven Deadly Sins

Pride
Denny Crane, Boston Legal
You hear the one about the fella who died, went to the pearly gates? St. Peter let him in. Sees a guy in a suit making a closing argument. Says, "Who's that?" St. Peter says, "Oh, that's God. Thinks he's Denny Crane."

Pride in one's own accomplishments is a thin line away from arrogance -- and even when you can back up your 'tude with results, nobody really wants to be around you. Pride and arrogance are off-putting, and managers can't really afford that. A need to stay informed about goings-on in the workplace precludes preening. For that matter, pride in your staff also needs to be handled carefully. Singling out employees for stellar work can be a good thing, but it can also lead to resentment and hostility among those going unrecognized. A rule of thumb: When doling out the praise for a job well done, do not mention names. Not your own, not the project leader's, nobody's.  Instead, use the first person singular "we." If you really do have someone who went above and beyond, reward them in private. (Extra tip: Watch how your golden child handles praise. Do they run out and brag to the rest of the group? Or do they leave your office and get right back to work?)

Greed
Montgomery Burns, The Simpsons
Burns: I'll have my lunch now: a single pillow of shredded wheat, some steamed toast, and a dodo egg.
Homer: But I think the dodo went extinct...
Burns: Get going. And answer those phones, install a computer system, and rotate my office so the window faces the hills.

Montgomery Burns is supposed to be the cartoon embodiment of corporate greed. If you keep a leash on it, greed can be good, as Wall Street's Mr. Gekko said. Greed can be a spur to ambition. Wanting a bigger paycheck can fire you up to work harder and get a better job. On the other hand, greed can lead you to prison. (See previous reference.) It can also get you shot, as Mr. Burns himself will attest. 

Envy  
Peggy Olson
I look at you and I think; "I want what he has". You have everything and so much of it.

Peggy's got a lot of envy going on. She envies Don. She envies Joan. To some extent, she envies the girls in the secretarial pool she climbed out of.  Like greed, a little envy can be a good thing. Most of the time, Peggy actually tends to do a pretty good job of keeping her envy in check, and she tends to spend less time yearning and more time learning from those she envies on how to attain what she covets. Flip that to a lot of envy, and you wind up making yourself unhappy and others uncomfortable. Have you watched Glee lately? Remember how high school was full of irrational jealousies? Yeah. Who wants that in the workplace?

Lust
Michael Scott (and Jan Levinson), The Office
Jan told me to play it cool and not tell anybody because it could get us both in trouble. So officially I did not see her. But I did see Jan there. In our room. At night, and in the morning. That's all I'm gonna say. We had sex. We had sex. I had sex with her. I had sex with Jan.

Lane went over this on Friday, but gads, if ever you need a cautionary tale, look at what happened to this couple. Nothing could sum up the problems with this vice better than the Michael-Jan relationship. Let's use another movie metaphor.  Olympia Dukakis in Moonstruck sums it up. "Don't shit where you eat." Just, don't. Workplace romances are hit and miss.  As I said before, I've had personal experiences on both sides of this fence, and I'm telling you this even as someone who is married to a man who works for the same company, in the same management structure, about 30 feet away. Trust me, it's the exception, not the norm.

Sloth
George Costanza, Seinfeld
I come from a long line of quitters. My father was a quitter, my grandfather was a quitter. I was raised to fail.

Do I need to say it? Even when you aren't doing so intentionally, you are leading by example. Show up late, leave a messy desk, phone it in -- your staff will follow your example. Human nature provides enough incentive to do less than one's best. Don't give anyone more motivation to do so.

Anger
Seth Bullock, Deadwood
Hearst to Al: "How's the finger?
Al: All right, Mr. Hearst,"
Bullock: "How's the fuckin' ear?"
Al: "Good, Bullock, good. By dissembling our feelings we keep the strategic edge."

You don't want to deal with employees who can't control themselves, right? Why would they want to deal with a boss who can't? Sitting behind the big desk and the glass door might give you some perogatives, but snapping your cap isn't one of them. For one thing, you'll get sued for scaring people. For another, you might find out later that your reaction was unwarranted. And even if neither of those reasons persuades you, the fact is that if you cool off and still think punishment is merited odds are you will come up with a much better scenario once you have considered the matter rationally.

Gluttony
Hugo "Hurley" Reyes, Lost
Maybe if you ate some comfort food, you wouldn't go around shooting people.

Hugo's got a point. Everyone is a glutton for something, be it praise, punishment, martyrdom, whatever. But pound for pound, Hugo's also seeking an awful lot of comfort, ya know? Figure out what your weakness is, where your appetite is greatest, and then put it in a stranglehold. Do you gossip? Prattle? Take the last cupcake when you've already had one? Spend more time on your hair than your employee reviews? Whatever your pleasure, keep it moderate.

Seven Heavenly Virtues

Funny thing: Representations for the seven deadly sins were easy to find.  Seven Heavenly Virtues required a lot more searching. Apparently in TV land, virtue is not a big seller.

Chastity 
Emma Pillsbury, Glee
Emma: I haven't been intimate in a very, very long time.
Will: How long?
Emma: Ever.

Germophobic, in love with a married man -- but straight-up proper and the voice of reason for high schoolers, Emma is always doing her best to do the right thing. Which, apparently, includes waiting for Mr. Right. And then waiting for Mr. Right to get himself right.

Temperance
Bones Brennan, Bones
Booth: You're a cold fish.
Brennan: You're a superstitious moron.
Booth: Get a soul.
Brennan: Get a brain.

The choice of first name is obvious; it is the driving motivation for her character. A forensic anthropologist, she puts logic ahead of passion, always watching the science. The rule of reason makes her almost unbearably socially awkward, but it also makes her aces at her job. 

Charity
James Wilson, House
Wilson: You're my friend.
House: Oh, jeez. Have some backbone. If you think I'm wrong, do something.
Wilson: Wait, you're getting mad at me for sticking up for you?
House: You value our friendship more than your ethical responsibilities.
Wilson: Our friendship is an ethical responsibility.

It's odd to think of someone like Gregory House as a charity case, but what else can you call it? Wilson aids, abets, bails out, cajoles, defends, and every other letter of the alphabet up to "winds up living with" the guy. And while he does get some benefit from it, I don't think you can say it all balances out.

Diligence 
Rachel Green, Friends
Rachel: Guess what?
Ross: You got a job?
Rachel: Are you kidding? I'm trained for nothing! I was laughed at 12 interviews today

And yet, this character went on to have a lovely fashion career with Ralph Lauren. And a job offer with Louis Vuitton. That's impressive for the barista who spent more time sitting than working, you gotta hand it to her.

Patience
Dr. Jennifer Melfi, The Sopranos
Melfi: What do you know about your condition? You miss appointments because you don't give a shit. About commitments, about what I do, about the body of work that's gone into building up this science!... Go ahead, tell me again I sound like your wife.
Tony Soprano: Well, if the shoe fits ... We're making progress! It's been seven years!

Sometimes virtue is a vice. It took this woman seven years to decide a mob boss might be a bad bet for curing. We all know there was more going on there, but she kept trying and kept hoping he'd bring it around. Don't make that mistake. Be patient, but recognize patience should have its limits.

Kindness
Willow Rosenberg, Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Angel:They're children, making up bedtime stories of friendly vampires to comfort themselves in the dark.
Willow: Is that so bad? I mean, the dark can get pretty dark.Sometimes you need a story.

Pretty much everyone on Buffy has this virtue in spades.  You might argue that Tara is a better candidate. But Willow came first and cared longest, and her journey was so much more interesting -- she fell the farthest from this characteristic, and had to figure out a way to get it back.

Humility
Master Po, Kung Fu
This is the harmony of nature, and not a waste of time. I have three treasures which I hold and keep. The first is mercy. For from mercy comes courage. The second is frugality. From which comes generosity to others. The third is humility. For from it comes leadership.

Man, it took me for-freaking-ever to find an example of humility on television. This truly is a lost art. There are plenty of unappreciated, unsung, second-fiddle sidekicks, but true humility is a scarce commodity -- in media.  I'd like to think there is more of it in management. You can't advance without making mistakes, and mistakes should not only teach you how to avoid those pitfalls in the future, they should teach you that nobody is perfect, least of all the man at the top -- and he has the farthest to fall.