I've said before that a lot of managing is comparable to parenting, and I've also addressed the idea that sports stories offer a lot of lessons in the ways of good and bad coaching. Interpersonal relationships are all largely alike, whether at home, in the office or on the playing field. A recent episode of Modern Family actually combined these two motifs, resulting in an interesting study of different approaches to all of the above. Another pretty good mockumentary on the air, Modern Family follows the lives of of Jay Pritchett, his two offspring and the assorted relations that come with them.
Jay is the patriarch, and he has little patience for the rest of his family. He's married to a much younger Colombian woman and is helping to raise her son, Manny. Jay's daughter, Claire, is married to Phil, who is a bit of a goofball with a strange array of unusual skills such as tightrope walking and breaking into houses. They have three kids, Haley, Alexandra and Luke. Jay also has a son, Mitchell, who is in a relationship with the Birdcage-ly flamboyant Cameron and with whom he has adopted a Vietnamese girl named Lily.
The episode "Benched" spends most of its time focusing on coaching of a "Li'l Dribblers" basketball team on which Manny and Luke both play. The team is in a tournament, and when things kick off, we see Eric Lange is the coach, and playing basically the same angry, obnoxious, loudmouth character he played on Lost. His style didn't win him any followers on the island, and it doesn't win him any fans at the game.
You're doing great, Luke, if your goal is to suck!
Jay and Phil intercede, with Phil taking a soft approach. Jay listens for maybe half a sentence before he attacks the coach.
Jay: What you need to start doing is a little more coaching and a little less yelling. Because if I hear you call one of these kids stupid again, I swear to god I'll throw a shoe at your head.
While the coach might have this coming, he, unsurprisingly, quits. Phil steps up and is ready to take over the job.
Phil: Your old coach had to leave for a little while.
Luke: Is he sick?
Phil: Yes! He is very, very sick.
Manny: Is he gonna die?
Phil: Everybody dies, boys, let's focus on what's important. Our next game is in one hour; we are going to go from being five fingers to being a fist. How does that sound?
This, obviously, is a better approach to take with kids, but he gets bigfooted by Jay.
Jay: Phil, I coached football.
Phil: Jay, i actually coached basketball.
Jay: Hey, don't worry about it, you've got the assistant. coach job. How about you round us up some waters?
Phil, acceding to his role as son-in-law, steps aside again. But he takes another shot at trying to help.
Phil: The other team only has two shooters, if we isolate them ...
Jay: Good, Phil, good. Manny, pay attention!
(Manny, of course, turns around and gets smacked in the head with the ball.)
And, once more, before he gives up.
Jay: This is a uniquely frustrating group of boys
Phil: One thing that might help is if you switch from a zone to a simple man to man.
Jay: I got this.
Phil: Really? Cos according to the scoreboard the only thing you've got is four points.
Naturally, Jay gets frustrated when the kids don't make an immediate turnaround and suddenly start shining under his tutelage, and instead continue to play like, well, kids. To his credit, Jay does at least have the self-awareness to recognize when he's starting to sound like Coach No. 1, and seeks Phil's help. What follows is a pitch-perfect reconciliation and recognition of what was already obvious.
Jay: You gotta coach. I can't take it.
Phil: You talking to me?
Jay: Yeah, i'm talking to you! You gotta take over out there! I'm gonna lose it.
Phil:Yeah, sounds tough, Coach.
Jay: What's your problem?
Phil:I was handling the coach; you pushed me aside. I was dealing with the boys; you pushed me aside. Believe it or not, jay, there are some things out there I'm better at.
Jay (lets this sink in): I don't blame you. I'm used to taking charge, that's all. I shoulda let you coach from the get-go.
And, because it is a comedy, this feel-good moment does not end in victory.
Phil: What's my coaching philosophy? Give a kid a bird and he becomes one of those weird dudes who walks around with a bird on his shoulder. But give a kid wings, and he can fly. (Manny misses the basket.) Unless he has aboslutely no hand-eye coordination.
Meanwhile, a secondary plot focuses on Alex trying to assert her independence from Claire. While Claire recognizes this is natural and normal, she is still somewhat hurt and taken aback when her daughter basically shoves her aside and runs off to her friends, telling her mom they should reconnect at the car. An afternoon of this ensues,with Claire being turned aside by Alex again until they finally do meet at the car, where Alex makes a transparent attempt to reconcile for personal gain. Claire, however, has the experience and knows better, and refuses to get played.
Alex: I am so so sorry. I know it's no excuse, but I've been feeling a lot of pressure at school -- with friends. And I love you so much and I appreciate everything you do for me. I'm still your little girl.
Claire: Aw, honey, that was so sweet.
Alex: Can i get $20? We're going to the movies ...
Claire: OK. Of course. Sweetie, you know what? Take 40."
(Alex can't believe her good luck. She gets out of the car and goes back to her friends. Claire rolls down the car window...)
Claire: Alex, honey, when you're out shopping, you might want to pick yourself up a training bra. I know you don't need one now but your little boobies are going to come in soon. Mommy loves you, kitten! (Puts the car in gear and drives off, muttering,) That'll teach her to screw with me.
Lessons here on both sides. Supervisors: Let your managers manage. Once you've given someone the skills to be independent, you have to actually give them independence. Employees: Don't burn the bridge to your boss seeking that independence, since you are doubtless going to need their support at some later point. There is a right way and a wrong way to avoid being smothered. And if you're going to suck up in an effort to get something -- do it better than a teen-ager.
Finally, Mitchell's job situation is the last subplot. Usually the breadwinner and high achiever, he's been staying home with the baby while his partner, more accustomed to being the domestic side of the partnership, is working at a greeting card store. How's that working out?
Cameron: I can't pressure Mitchell. But I really, really, really just want him to get a job so I can go back to being a stay-at-home dad/trophy wife.
Mitchell: I am losing my mind. As much as I love Lily, which is you know, more than life itself, I am not cut out to be a stay-at-home dad. But it’s Cameron’s turn to be out in the world, interacting with other adults. While I get to stay at home and plot the death of Dora the Explorer…. Fill her backpack with bricks and throw her into Candy Cane river.”
Jay probably recognizes this as clearly as we do, and tells Mitchell that he set up a chat with a possible employer, one Charlie Bingham. Mitchell resents this interference, but goes along nonetheless, Googles the guy and winds up going to a party at his beach house, with predictable results. There is an interesting side exploration of the boss's character (played by Justin Kirk, the troublemaking Uncle Andy on Weeds,) who is extremely clever, extremely well-informed and so laid back that instead of putting others at ease he makes them more nervous -- particularly Cameron, who bumbles around crashing into things and generally embarrassing Mitchell. The two wind up discussing the offer in a garage, where they get trapped, and in attempting to get out seriously damage a car.
As Cameron and Mitchell survey the damage, Charlie comes out and see what's happened.
Mitchell: I'll take the job!
Charlie: Kinda think you have to now.
I'd love to see Charlie get more air time, because it would be fun to see how that dynamic plays out going forward. He has clearly absorbed the lesson mentioned above about letting the managers manage -- and he seems to recognize the lesson that Cameron and Mitchell have just figured out: Everyone on the team should play to his or her strengths. If you're an ambitious type A personality who thrives on organization and challenges, you're not going to do well in situations that require things to be a bit messy, like staying home with a baby -- and if you are hard-wired to regard social interaction as the most important thing in the world, the last job you want is one in data entry where you just punch numbers into a computer all day.
Look around your own life. See if you can draw some parallels between what you're doing outside the office and how you're treating people at work. Do you see connections? Are you facing similar problems in different situations? Use what you know about being part of a family to be a better member of your work family.
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