Management Lessons: That's What She Said

Fashion Friday: Backward Glances

All week, Arwen has been writing about television shows that have been remade into movies. I wish I could tell you I had seen the new A-Team movie, or had gone to the Miami Vice movie, but I had my fill of those in the 80s. Once John Taylor had played with Power Station on Miami Vice, I was finished. Shark was jumped. They were never going to be able to top that. Nothing topped John Taylor when I was 15.

You know what else I loved when I was 15? Stirrup pants. I saw a pair of designer stirrup pants in the store last week, and when Arwen told me what her theme was, I thought of them immediately. Just like the A-Team and Miami Vice had their day, so has 80s fashion. For that matter, so has 60s and 70s fashion. I defy you to show up at work looking like Marcia Brady. That wouldn't even work for Marcia Brady these days!

Retro fashion does have its place outside the office. Wear your pompadour with pride on the weekends, and get down with your disco self after hours. But on the clock? Let's be honest, okay? No one likes to be honest about this. In the corporate mothership, you want to blend to get ahead. In any profession you want to blend. Why? Because your professional reputation depends on your ability to convince your higher-ups that you are enough like them to lead their company in the direction of their choice, and if you are a maverick, your career depends on your ability to make your higher-ups feel comfortable enough with you as a person to take a chance on your ideas. To a large extent, that means costuming yourself to appeal to their subconscious minds. Working Girl, a movie that went on to be a television show (Sandra Bullock starred, can you believe it?), is an excellent case in point.

Tess McGill is able to completely remake her career by remaking her image to match her corporate brains. Is a wardrobe change all that is needed? No, but would you have taken Tess' Jersey hair seriously? Of course not. You would have been wondering how much Aqua Net went into that remarkable mass. It is much easier to read her as a trustworthy source of information once she has transitioned from the unspoken uniform of the secretarial pool, into the unspoken uniform of management.

I write all this and then feel compelled to tell you that I don't always blend perfectly into the sea of black and navy. I am professional and dress code compliant, but if you put me in a line-up, I would stand out. Oh, I wear my pencil skirts and heels, and I have my suit jackets and blouses, but I am mad about accessories, color, and retro styling. You won't catch me wearing day-glo 80s, or Pucci prints from the 70s, but I rock the 40s and 50s Girl Friday look frequently. To my point, that look is office friendly and it is appealing on a subconscious level. You can trust a peplum jacket. You can feel good about a Peter Pan collar. You know those spectator pumps are going to walk over to you with the right spreadsheet. It is different from what you see every day, but it is still clearly professional and not costumey at all. That is everything to do with the fabrics and the fit.

So while I urge you to blend in with your higher-ups, I also hope you will find ways to be creative with your look. If you love the 80s, suit up in pink and gray, but kill the shoulder pads and avoid the Capezios. Trust me. You will never be able to wear Capezios as well as a member of Duran Duran. Don't even try.

Lane Buckman has been in love with fashion since she realized that her first Easter dress came with matching gloves, shoes, and purse. Growing up in the entertainment industry this former beauty queen, model and actress turned corporate career woman understands that dressing for success is just another form of costuming. And, since she has run the size gamut from 2 to 18, Lane understands dressing a variety of shapes. She has written dress codes and conducted Business Style and How to Dress seminars for Fortune 500 and finance companies, boutique agencies, and an international non-profit organization. She gives her stylish Southern mother credit for teaching her everything she knows.

Hey, Bartender!

Bartenders do not have an easy time of it. Liquor licenses, entertainment schedules, drunk patrons -- it's a lot to take on. If you can manage a bar, odds are you can manage just about anything.  Problem is, ever since Archie Bunker bought his own bar and grill there aren't very many good examples of stellar bar management out there.  What do you suppose that is about?

For a bad example, we can always look to The Simpsons.  Poor Moe is a pathetic case with the worst judgment on the planet. How many errors do you spot here?

Don't lose your cool. Don't leave your responsibilities unattended. Don't, don't. On the other hand, at least Moe stops short of assault, and he is master of his own domain -- unlike the poor slob working for Tony Soprano, who has an extreme way of rectifying bad hiring decisions.  

Valerie Malone (no relation to Sam, as far as I know), in contrast, had the good sense to treat her business on 90210 like a business -- even when she was using it to machiavellian ends, and even if she spent 99 percent of her time messing around in other people's business, to unhappy ends.

But honestly, the award for savviest saloonkeeper of all time has to go to my old favorite Al Swearengen. Deadwood's patriarch is a shrewd businessman, a master showman, he responds quickly to emergencies and he communicates effectively (if violently) with his staff when they drop the ball.

One must bear in mind that there are as many different managerial styles as there are managers -- and people to be managed. Bar management is a completely different animal from the white-collar college grad office environment. You can be a little looser, you can have a little more fun.  But you also have to be a lot more careful to keep things in line. Frankly, all I've learned from this week is that I'd be right awful at running such an establishment.  A toast to those who do.

No Management in Philadelphia

In honor of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia arriving on Comedy Central, this week I'll do my best to glean management tips from bar shows.

The only problem is, there aren't any real lessons to be gleaned from the self-centered owners of Paddy's Irish Pub in Philadelphia -- other than, "watch this show, and do exactly the opposite." Don't work with friends, don't get your dad involved, don't be a dick. Nobody's in charge, nobody's accountable, and nobody's a role model. Which makes it pretty great to watch, but painful to contemplate as a real-life work scenario.

And one note: Not that anyone under the age of 20 reads this, but being a cable show and all, this is a little raunchier than usual. Nuff said.

Don't try to get a job at the fern bar down the street. I guess if you do, and you get fired, farewell shots might be OK -- if you don't get caught.

Unless you've got someone as dumb as Charlie around, it's probably easier to just get the yuck work done yourself. But if you do have a plan, I wouldn't recommend sharing it with the person who isn't benefiting until you're out of range of the filthy mop she wields.

On the other hand, if you are the dumbest member of your gang, it might not be a bad idea to come to them in a crisis.  Except, of course, they aren't that much smarter than you are, and will be easily distracted.

Dee does one thing right -- she knows exactly what to expect of the rest of the gang, and she reacts accordingly. And ... diversifying exposure to your business isn't a bad idea either.

And finally, if you're going to run for office, you probably don't  want any of these guys to help you out. Also? Don't try to stop a stroller like that unless you've got some badass shoes.

Winging It

It doesn't get much more political than The West Wing, does it? Set during the fictional Democratic administration of Josiah Bartlet, it focuses on the somewhat nerdy yet personable Prez Bartlet and on his whipsmart staff who roam the administrative offices working spin cycles, damage control and getting in front of the breaking political issues.

(And here's a quick Six Degrees of Separation for you: Michael J. Fox as deputy mayor flips to Fox as press secretary to Martin Sheen's chief of staff in the American president -- also an Aaron Sorkin special -- which flips to Sheen as president. For added confusion, consider that Sheen's son Charlie -- now with more jail time! -- replaced Fox on Spin City.)

In many ways, Bartlet is an "ideal" president. Good-looking, moral, senses of humor and integrity, intellectual and tough yet compassionate. check, check, check.

He's also a Democrat, and of course being a show about the presidency and politics means huge chunks of airtime focused more on ideology than policy; more on the personal than the persona. But if you can cut through all that, examples of remarkably healthy working relationships are there for the studying.

The most interesting, based on an extremely informal poll I took, seemed to be the relations between Bartlet, his chief of staff, Leo McGarry, and press secretary-turned-chief of staff C.J. Cregg.

Bartlet and McGarry both embody the Benevolent Boss -- one of my favorite TV Tropes, I must admit. Of course, it is easier to be a benevolent boss if your employees are greater risks for burnout than they are for burning down the building. Having a team like that makes it easier to be confrontational -- and confronted -- with less risk of embarrassment on either side. 

A group has to be highly functional and closely knit for this sort of conversation to happen in front of a crowd: An operation running one whit less smoothly would require such a discussion to be held privately -- and probably with more tact and less banter. But if you've got a group of people who can work together 24-7 for weeks and months on end and they can all still stand to be in the same room without vitriol, you've got a safe environment where practically anything can be accomplished. Thus, the relationship between Bartlet and Cregg appears to be everything such a relationship should be. They can tell each other the truth, they know when to bite, when to bark and when to roll over.

He knows when he's wrong, and backs down accordingly.

And she knows when she's wrong, and backs down accordingly.

Likewise, McGarry and Cregg have a good working relationship. He trusts her instincts, precisely because she knows how and when to take a risk.

And when he steps down and recommends her to take his place, McGarry is the epitome of mentor and emeritus. He doesn't begrudge her anything; there is no resentment. He helps; he coaches.

Ultimately, if you've got good people working for you, the management part is easy because they manage themselves. The leadership part is easy because they know where you're going and have already packed and are on their way there. The hardest part in these situations is to manage yourself and living up to the expectations of -- and examples set -- by those who work for you.

Management Spin

Editor's Note: A new month, a new format. I'm incorporating some changes: clips instead of quotes where possible (though you'll have to scroll ahead to the time indicated above the clip -- and I'm not sure how well I'll do on clips, since I don't have a video editor and I'll be relying on outside sources), plus a new e-mail address and a new Twitter feed.  I also have a new Facebook Page where I'll post discussion topics and assorted other stuff. Drop me a line, let me know what you think!

Spin City focused on the office of New York City Mayor Randall Winston, as run by Deputy Mayor Mike Flaherty and as populated by assorted government underlings. Each staffer has to help run City Hall, improving the mayor's image and covering for his frequent gaffes. It is a tougher job than one might think: Winston is more accident-prone than most politicians, and relies on his deputy to save him -- who in turn relies on the staff to help. Therein lies the other part of the problem. Fiercely loyal to Mike and the administration, they are nonetheless a group of employees who range from hypercompetent to hyperneurotic.

Deputy Mayor Mike is the main focus of the show, and he did a lot of managing throughout the series. He's high-energy, competent, rational, all the things a good manager should be. Early in the show's run, he contends with the assistant deputy mayor, Stuart Bondek. Stuart is an underling who not only covets Mike's job, he is essentially less than motivated to do his own. But when Mike gives him a chance to shine, Stuart doesn't simply do the job as it needs doing, he tries to overstep. This works about as well as one might expect. The show does a charming job of pulling Mike in to demonstrate leadership in the same scene.

(Start viewing at 7:42.)

The inevitable sitcom screwup comes only minutes later in TV time.

(Watch from 1:23-2:20)

Mike rubs it in further with even more public humiliation when the gaffe can't be fixed and disaster ensues. You'll notice, however, that Mike also realizes when he screws up. And watch Stuart's reaction. This is exactly the way to react when your boss has lost it and done the wrong thing to you in front of a crowd. Do not engage, do not make excuses, just make the acknowledgment and remove yourself as quickly as possible.

(Watch 5:50-7:22)

And, given a chance, Mike ultimately makes it up to him.

(Watch 9:05-end)

Mike demonstrates plenty of good management strategies over the course of the series. Morning staff meetings are daily, but short and useful. He delegates, but he doesn't hover. He expects excellence from pretty much everyone except his boss, and they all deliver. And, perhaps most important, he is as good a deputy as he is an administrator, serving as a friend to his boss in a time of need.

(Watch 00:32-2:10)

Managing the Client

Crime doesn't pay, but it's a living.

Perry Mason and Matlock may have their followers, but for sheer staying power, you can't beat Horace Rumpole. On the air for approximately 17 years, popular on both sides of the pond, and with stories available in a variety of media, all episodes feature the court cases of Horace Rumpole, a short, round, exasperated and exasperating defense barrister, played to perfection by the inimitable Leo McKern.

Rumpole’s deep commitment to justice leads him to defend hopeless cases and the spirit of the law, as opposed to his fellow barristers who stubbornly defend the letter of the law.

I could win most of my cases, if it weren't for the clients... clients have no tact.

Entertaining? Absolutely. But he's not a terribly pleasant fellow, generally speaking. He's smarter than you are, he's surly, his tongue is acid. It could be supposed this comes from spending all one's time finding ways to let the dregs of society go free.  And he keeps his clients on a very short leash, as well.

Dave Anstey: It’s cast-iron, my alibi.
Horace Rumpole: I’m not altogether sure I like cast-iron alibis. They’re the sort that sink quickest to the bottom of the sea.

Like David E. Kelley, Rumpole creator John Mortimer did his time in chambers. According to Wikipedia, Mortimer first set out to be to be an actor, and then a writer, but his father urged otherwise, saying, "My dear boy, have some consideration for your unfortunate wife ... [the law] gets you out of the house." This sort of regard for one’s spouse translated to the show, with this sort of recurring motif between Rumpole and his wife, Hilda, (aka She Who Must Be Obeyed):

Hilda: Is that you, Rumpole?
Horace: No, it’s the village blacksmith come to crown you Queen of the May!

As a barrister, Rumpole is not a manager, per se, but he does have to handle his clients; keep them in check and coach them on their cases.  He is a no-nonsense sort; won’t stand for backtalk and will cut you to ribbons if you so much as roll your eyes at what he is telling you.

Joby, it might be as well when you're giving evidence to resist the temptation to call the victim an "old bat" -- it is not an expression likely to endear you to the jury.

Rumpole also has a strong, if distorted work ethic. He has a distinct distaste for pleading guilty, feeling he owes it to his clients and to his honor to mount the best defense possible. Unfortunately, this prevents him from making deals that involve pleading guilty to lesser charges, and worse, some of Rumpole's clients feel that things would have been better for them if they had been found guilty and resent him for getting them off.  Rumpole doesn’t care.  He will do what he knows is right, and he knows you could do worse than to have him backing you up in court and coaching you for the stand.  

This works for some bosses. If you can stand on the strength of your convictions, you might get your employees to stand with you. You will gain a reputation for your steadfastness and code. On the other hand, steadfastness can come across as recalcitrance in some circles, and your employees might conspire to shove you off that pillar – as Rumpole would be the first to tell you.  

Jarvis Allen: I can’t think of anyone on this circuit putting on with a case after his leader had been sacked. It’s not in the best  traditions of the law.
Rumpole: Yes, well, of course, loyalty to one’s leader, it is extremely important, but one mustn’t forget the other great legal  maxim, must one?
Jarvis Allen: Why, what’s that?
Rumpole: The show must go on!

Hard Case

I'm not objective at all, and I'm going to turn my passionate, irrational anger against your office.

Another lawyer in the second act of her life is Patty Hewes on Damages. (And yes, it's one of those annoying double-meaning titles, but the characters are such train wrecks that you pretty much have to forgive it. )

Hewes is hard-hitting, successful and charismatic, a high-stakes litigator determined to protect the little people from the corrupt interests that are crushing them -- but her tactics are more Roy Cohn than Erin Brockovich. Played by Glenn Close, (and honestly, aren't you pretty much always just a little afraid of her anyway?) this character is a master manipulator who rarely stops at anything to get what she wants. Patty is the head of Hewes & Associates, a brilliant and feared lawyer with no personal life or fulfilling relationships to speak of.  There is no work-life balance here, unless you count her lovely home.

My husband is gone and my unemployed teenage son is about to be a father. I think you might wanna ask someone else for family advice.

Hewes and her partners focus on major class action lawsuits brought against important companies/individuals, and, this being TV, that is never going to be boring, it is going to be full of fast talk and peril.

All of you are members of an extraordinary team, and I value each and every one of you. If you want to quit, just tell me now. But if you call in sick Thursday or Friday, don't bother coming in Monday. Your jobs won't be waiting for you. That grenade was never meant to destroy our office. It was meant to destroy our resolve.

Hewes qualifies as an Impossiboss – and the worst kind, because all the ridiculous things she sends her people out to accomplish are completely natural to her, and nothing she couldn’t – or wouldn’t – do herself. Note, that is not an endorsement. There is no way to take another side against someone like that, there is no way to reason with them. There really isn’t any recourse other than to quit, as her on-again, off-again protégé Ellen concludes.

Ellen: You did teach me one valuable lesson.
Patty: I'm glad.
Ellen: 'Trust no one.' Well, I don't anymore, Patty. Least of all you.

And yet, Patty is good at what she does. Really, really good. And she doesn't make any excuses for it: She has made her choices, she has her eyes open, she knows who and what she is. So, don’t you want to learn from the best? The fact Ellen keeps coming back is a testament to Patty’s skills as a lawyer, as a manipulator, and as a teacher. (It is also a testament to some strange, sad, and sickish mother-daughter issues on both sides that have evolved over three seasons as Ellen went from rookie to pro – and took it out on her replacement, Alex, in most Patty-esque ways in the process.)

But frankly, hard workers and great lawyers aren't necessarily the stuff of amazing bosses. If you are a manager and you see very much of yourself in Patty, you might consider dialing yourself back a bit, and lowering expectations for those around you. That, or get some therapy, for heaven's sake.

It remains to be seen whether Damages will come back for a fourth season, but make no mistake, Patty will still be eating bad guys for breakfast – with a few good guys inevitably mixed in.

Legal Age

Denny Crane: It’s as simple as this. You don’t get on the stand and say, "I’m sorry for not doing the right thing." You testify, "I did the right thing!" That’s how you win lawsuits. You’re right! Even when you’re wrong!

First, Steven Bochco made L.A. Law and entrusted it to David E. Kelley. And the Emmys saw that it was good.

And David Kelley said, let me return to my East Coast roots and start not one, but two shows about law firms there. And the Emmys saw The Practice and Ally McBeal were ... still good, if somewhat disturbing and unrealistic.

And David Kelley said, I’m not ready to let this go, and lo, Boston Legal came about. And the Emmys again said it was good.

Ya gotta admit, the dude’s got a track record. 

Boston Legal dropped much of the drama and angst and introspection of Kelley's previous shows, using broader comedy and over-the-top characters, while maintaining a focus on relationships and the art of life and law. It also dropped its focus on short-skirted beauties and pin-stripped hotties, instead focusing on an older group of people. William Shatner, Candice Bergen and John Larroquette were all over 50 when the show aired. Betty White's enjoying a renaissance on SNL now, but she was cracking jokes on Legal in 2005, when she was 83.

Carl Sack: [Arguing, in court, about television age-ism] You know, the only show unafraid to have its stars over 50 is "Bos..."... Gee, I can't say it. [- gesturing toward the cameras and the audience - ] It would, um, break the wall.

With an older group, you can expect a different managerial approach and etiquette.  These aren’t kids who can’t find the employee handbook with both hands, they are seasoned professionals who deserve respect for their abilities. 

Catherine: You’re the boss. I’m sucking up.
Shirley: By standing next to me?
Catherine: Yes. With me by your side, dear, you almost look young!
Shirley: I have no idea who you are, but I think I like you.

One thing all Kelley’s shows have in common is a daily staff meeting where each employee gives a rundown of what they’re working on. Starting with L.A. Law and continuing through each series into Boston Legal, these meetings are a pivot point, the family dinner in an office environment. And like family dinners, they often veer out of control, despite the appointed boss's paternal efforts to keep things moving.

Alan: Why does Shirley get to skip the staff meetings?
Paul: She's got a trial in New York later this week, so she has a busy day.
Brad: Some of us have trials today, so if you don't mind, I'd like to cut out.
Lori: What's your case about, Brad?
Alan: What is it about?
Brad: It involves interference with contractual relations.
Alan: You mean...lesbians?
Paul: Where are you?
Brad: Today, they're calling Tracy to testify that her ex-lover was-
Alan: Lesbian ex-lover.
Brad: -to testify that Tracy was scamming her for money. Tracy was in fact not an actual bone-fide...
Alan: Lesbian?
Brad: You like saying it?
Alan: I do.
Brad: Say it again.
Alan: Lesbian.
Brad: Keep going.
Alan: LESBIAN! LESBIAN! Lez-bee-un. All together now!
All: Lesbian!
Alan: I also like to watch. How many people like to-
Paul: All right, that's enough, this is a staff meeting. I'll ask you all to conduct yourselves appropriately and professionally.

I’m a big fan of both family dinners and staff meetings. I’m not as big a fan of office incest, but if you live in Kelley’s world, you apparently need to assume that everyone has slept with everyone else.

Shirley: Remember the good ole days when you liked to know what was going on? When you could go from your office to the elevator without a roadmap?
Denny: Didn't need a roadmap to find my way around your body, did I, Shirley?
Shirley: I wouldn't know. I was usually asleep.

Overall, though, managing older and experienced employees generally turns out to be more of an exercise in what not to do. Don’t get in the way, don’t insult anyone’s intelligence, and if you do wind up having to be a boss, it’s generally better to do so behind closed doors.  Most of the problems you’re going to encounter with these folks will not teachable moments; they will be painful defeats and pleas for dignity.

Denny: When God strips you of your talent, He should at least have the decency to strip away the memory of having had it.

Generally speaking, once you’ve got a stable of pros who can act like grown-ups – or at least as much like grown-ups as the overall office requires -- they aren’t going to need a boss so much as a friend and advocate, no matter what their age.

Denny: There are many ways that men go dead as they age. One way ... they start incorporating all the learned politically-correct behavior and thoughts into who they are, in the process deny what they are.
Alan: What are we?
Denny: Animals. Today's evolved men talk to each other about politics, kids and education. They talk about anything and everything, yet they are profoundly lonely. Why? Because they are ashamed to share their most base instinct. You and I aren't like that. When we're 90, we'll be sitting on a park bench, pretty girl go by, and we'll say "look at the rack on that one". You and I will never be lonely.

Fashion Friday: Hair Raising

Hair management and management hair is a topic of some import.  A person's hair can tell you a lot.  You can guess at their time management skills, their grooming habits, their state of mind, their age, and get a good idea of what you are up against.  All that from hair.  Yes, really.

This week I'll talk about the best looks for women in management, tackling the men next week.

First and foremost, consider your hair a part of your wardrobe.  You wouldn't show up to work with your clothes wet, wrinkled, or dirty, so don't show up to work with a wet*, messy, or greasy head.  It is tacky.  It is nasty.  It gives the wrong impression.  Even if you were running late, you would take the time to put on clean, dry clothes.  Books are judged by their covers, and wet, dirty, unkempt hair means one of two things:  Your book is about how badly you manage time, or your book is about how you don't care about perceptions.  Neither of those books belongs in the management section of Barnes and Noble.

Upkeep is key.  If you color your hair, keep up with it.  Only Debbie Harry gets to work roots.  Keep a comb and a trial sized bottle of spray in your bag, or desk.  Use them.  TV managers don't look perfect all day because they were born that way.  They look perfect because they have hair and makeup professionals running onto the set between takes, smoothing, spritzing, fluffing, and fixing.

You will have bad hair days.  It happens.  Just like you will spill coffee on your blouse some days, and you will run your stockings others.  It isn't the off day that counts, but your general consistency.  If you aren't sure about how to style your hair, ask and learn.  Tell your stylist you need to know how to copy your look.  He or she will be glad to give you tips.

When it comes to cuts, there are plenty of perfect examples on television.

Short to Mid-Length Hair

Lt. Anita Van Buren spent several seasons in a pixie cut that was flattering and fashionable.  This is a good cut if you keep it styled.  Surprisingly, pixies aren't as easy keep as they look.  Short hair can be very high maintenance and requires more frequent trips to the salon to keep from looking shaggy.  Also, take care that you keep the product soft so it doesn't turn into a helmet. 

Arrested Development had some outstanding costuming.  Especially on the matriarch, Lucille Bluth.  She's managing the most dysfunctional family on television, and she's doing it with style.  Lucille's chin length bob is a perfect example of good manager hair.  It is an easy style to accomplish, and always looks like a million bucks. 

Margene Heffman's big love for even bigger hair has waned, along with her interest in plural marriage, as she has learned to market herself as a businesswoman.  Hers is another lovely example of a bob.  This is a style that suites many face shapes and types of hair, and can be worn more naturally or highly styled. 

Whoopi Goldberg mediates The View, and is a manager in that aspect.  She is also one of the few African American women on television sporting dreadlocks, and one of the few women who eschew obvious makeup.  She looks powerful, professional, and good.  The key to professionalism in her hair style is that it is well kempt.  Her hair looks healthy, and well-maintained.

Does Patty Hewes ever look bad?  She may be doing bad things, but she always looks professional and sharp.  It's the hair and the sweet suits.  This Princess Diana-esque do could easily turn sweet, but the shorter bangs keep it from straying into that territory.

Long Hair

Wilhelmina Slater works in fashion, so her long hair is a frequent accessory.  However, at her most professional looking, she wears it in a French twist or chingon.  When it is worn down, it is styled to the teeth and you would never mistake her for a windblown minion.  No.  This woman is in control.

I give Dr. Lisa Cuddy a hard time for looking like a high class call girl when her lab coat is hanging on the back of her chair.  Most of the time her hair is a big tousled don't, but when she gets it right, it can look very nice.  Her best look is pulled halfway back.

*Lane notes: I have been reamed for suggesting that women should dry their hair before coming to work.  Deal with it.  Unless you work at Sea World, or some other outlet that requires you to be submerged, your head should be dry before you walk into the office.  Pulling wet hair back does not count as styling it.  If your head is still wet, you are not completely groomed.  Either take the time to complete your styling before the start of the work day, or choose a style that will fit into your schedule.**

**Arwen notes: I admit, Lane and I went in circles on this because we come from different backgrounds. In my world, we almost never see outsiders and showing up 20 minutes late so you can look your best is practically grounds for dismissal, because deadlines are everything and nobody really cares how you look as long as you aren't making the air unbreathable with your stink. In her world, it's vastly preferable to show up 20 minutes late so that you can present the best image possible to the company's clients for the other 95 percent of the day. It's really a case-by-case call whether you are the only person with the keys to the building or the only person who can make that crucial six-figure sale. But neither of us is saying it's OK to routinely show up 20 minutes late in order to be presentable; this is more for those "I overslept/the kid-cat-spouse barfed on me/I sprayed soda all over the world at breakfast" situations. In general, if you have 20-minute hair, get up 20 minutes earlier to do it. Good managers present a capable, competent image by showing up well-appointed and on time.)

Lane Buckman has been in love with fashion since she realized that her first Easter dress came with matching gloves, shoes, and purse. Growing up in the entertainment industry this former beauty queen, model and actress turned corporate career woman understands that dressing for success is just another form of costuming. And, since she has run the size gamut from 2 to 18, Lane understands dressing a variety of shapes. She has written dress codes and conducted Business Style and How to Dress seminars for Fortune 500 and finance companies, boutique agencies, and an international non-profit organization. She gives her stylish Southern mother credit for teaching her everything she knows.

Work-Life Balance

I've said before that a lot of managing is comparable to parenting, and I've also addressed the idea that sports stories offer a lot of lessons in the ways of good and bad coaching.  Interpersonal relationships are all largely alike, whether at home, in the office or on the playing field. A recent episode of Modern Family actually combined these two motifs, resulting in an interesting study of different approaches to all of the above. Another pretty good mockumentary on the air, Modern Family follows the lives of of Jay Pritchett, his two offspring and the assorted relations that come with them.

Jay is the patriarch, and he has little patience for the rest of his family. He's married to a much younger Colombian woman and is helping to raise her son, Manny. Jay's daughter, Claire, is married to Phil, who is a bit of a goofball with a strange array of unusual skills such as tightrope walking and breaking into houses. They have three kids, Haley, Alexandra and Luke. Jay also has a son, Mitchell, who is in a relationship with the Birdcage-ly flamboyant Cameron and with whom he has adopted a Vietnamese girl named Lily.

The episode "Benched" spends most of its time focusing on coaching of a "Li'l Dribblers" basketball team on which Manny and Luke both play. The team is in a tournament, and when things kick off, we see Eric Lange is the coach, and playing basically the same angry, obnoxious, loudmouth character he played on Lost. His style didn't win him any followers on the island, and it doesn't win him any fans at the game.

You're doing great, Luke, if your goal is to suck!

Jay and Phil intercede, with Phil taking a soft approach. Jay listens for maybe half a sentence before he attacks the coach.

Jay: What you need to start doing is a little more coaching and a little less yelling. Because if I hear you call one of these kids stupid again, I swear to god I'll throw a shoe at your head.

While the coach might have this coming, he, unsurprisingly, quits. Phil steps up and is ready to take over the job.

Phil: Your old coach had to leave for a little while.
Luke: Is he sick?
Phil: Yes! He is very, very sick.
Manny: Is he gonna die?
Phil: Everybody dies, boys, let's focus on what's important.  Our next game is in one hour; we are going to go from being five fingers to being a fist. How does that sound?

This, obviously, is a better approach to take with kids, but he gets bigfooted by Jay.

Jay: Phil, I coached football.
Phil: Jay, i actually coached basketball.
Jay: Hey, don't worry about it, you've got the assistant. coach job. How about you round us up some waters?

Phil, acceding to his role as son-in-law, steps aside again. But he takes another shot at trying to help.

Phil: The other team only has two shooters, if we isolate them ...
Jay: Good, Phil, good.  Manny, pay attention!
(Manny, of course, turns around and gets smacked in the head with the ball.)

And, once more, before he gives up. 

Jay: This is a uniquely frustrating group of boys
Phil: One thing that might help is if you switch from a zone to a simple man to man.
Jay: I got this.
Phil: Really? Cos according to the scoreboard the only thing you've got is four points.

Naturally, Jay gets frustrated when the kids don't make an immediate turnaround and suddenly start shining under his tutelage, and instead continue to play like, well, kids. To his credit, Jay does at least have the self-awareness to recognize when he's starting to sound like Coach No. 1, and seeks Phil's help. What follows is a pitch-perfect reconciliation and recognition of what was already obvious.

Jay: You gotta coach. I can't take it.
Phil: You talking to me?
Jay: Yeah, i'm talking to you! You gotta take over out there! I'm gonna lose it.
Phil:Yeah, sounds tough, Coach.
Jay: What's your problem? 
Phil:I was handling the coach; you pushed me aside. I was dealing with the boys; you pushed me aside. Believe it or not, jay, there are some things out there I'm better at.
Jay (lets this sink in): I don't blame you. I'm used to taking charge, that's all. I shoulda let you coach from the get-go.

And, because it is a comedy, this feel-good moment does not end in victory.

Phil: What's my coaching philosophy? Give a kid a bird and he becomes one of those weird dudes who walks around with a bird on his shoulder. But give a kid wings, and he can fly. (Manny misses the basket.) Unless he has aboslutely no hand-eye coordination.

Meanwhile, a secondary plot focuses on Alex trying to assert her independence from Claire. While Claire recognizes this is natural and normal, she is still somewhat hurt and taken aback when her daughter basically shoves her aside and runs off to her friends, telling her mom they should reconnect at the car. An afternoon of this ensues,with Claire being turned aside by Alex again until they finally do meet at the car, where Alex makes a transparent attempt to reconcile for personal gain. Claire, however, has the experience and knows better, and refuses to get played.

Alex: I am so so sorry. I know it's no excuse, but I've been feeling a lot of pressure at school -- with friends. And I love you so much and I appreciate everything you do for me. I'm still your little girl.
Claire: Aw, honey, that was so sweet.
Alex: Can i get $20? We're going to the movies ...
Claire: OK. Of course. Sweetie, you know what? Take 40."
(Alex can't believe her good luck. She gets out of the car and goes back to her friends. Claire rolls down the car window...)
Claire: Alex, honey, when you're out shopping, you might want to pick yourself up a training bra. I know you don't need one now but your little boobies are going to come in soon. Mommy loves you, kitten! (Puts the car in gear and drives off, muttering,) That'll teach her to screw with me.

Lessons here on both sides. Supervisors: Let your managers manage. Once you've given someone the skills to be independent, you have to actually give them independence. Employees: Don't burn the bridge to your boss seeking that independence, since you are doubtless going to need their support at some later point. There is a right way and a wrong way to avoid being smothered. And if you're going to suck up in an effort to get something -- do it better than a teen-ager.

Finally, Mitchell's job situation is the last subplot. Usually the breadwinner and high achiever, he's been staying home with the baby while his partner, more accustomed to being the domestic side of the partnership, is working at a greeting card store. How's that working out?

Cameron: I can't pressure Mitchell. But I really, really, really just want him to get a job so I can go back to being a stay-at-home dad/trophy wife.

Mitchell: I am losing my mind. As much as I love Lily, which is you know, more than life itself, I am not cut out to be a stay-at-home dad.  But it’s Cameron’s turn to be out in the world, interacting with other adults. While I get to stay at home and plot the death of Dora the Explorer…. Fill her backpack with bricks and throw her into Candy Cane river.”

Jay probably recognizes this as clearly as we do, and tells Mitchell that he set up a chat with a possible employer, one Charlie Bingham. Mitchell resents this interference, but goes along nonetheless, Googles the guy and winds up going to a party at his beach house, with predictable results. There is an interesting side exploration of the boss's character (played by Justin Kirk, the troublemaking Uncle Andy on Weeds,)  who is extremely clever, extremely well-informed and so laid back that instead of putting others at ease he makes them more nervous -- particularly Cameron, who bumbles around crashing into things and generally embarrassing Mitchell. The two wind up discussing the offer in a garage, where they get trapped, and in attempting to get out seriously damage a car. 

As Cameron and Mitchell survey the damage, Charlie comes out and see what's happened.
Mitchell: I'll take the job!
Charlie: Kinda think you have to now.

I'd love to see Charlie get more air time, because it would be fun to see how that dynamic plays out going forward. He has clearly absorbed the lesson mentioned above about letting the managers manage -- and he seems to recognize the lesson that Cameron and Mitchell have just figured out: Everyone on the team should play to his or her strengths. If you're an ambitious type A personality who thrives on organization and challenges, you're not going to do well in  situations that require things to be a bit messy, like staying home with a baby -- and if you are hard-wired to regard social interaction as the most important thing in the world, the last job you want is one in data entry where you just punch numbers into a computer all day.

Look around your own life. See if you can draw some parallels between what you're doing outside the office and how you're treating people at work. Do you see connections? Are you facing similar problems in different situations? Use what you know about being part of a family to be a better member of your work family.